Theory Of Visual Relativity


(Warning: This post may contain mentions of inner brain workings of certain members of society who possess the ability to sue the crap out of me. It is for this reason that I say, that suit you makes you look extremely dashy sir and is that your hair or did the media lie to us and you are in reality younger than their cameras portray? Damn Chinese parts)

In circa 1923, Albert Einstein, he of E=Mariah Carrey2 came up with a theory which extensive research done by the scientists monitoring the large hadron collider have proved to true. It is the theory of Visual relativity. Apparently, as the universe grows older and the human cranium begins to expand in mass inwards and in rare occasions on both sides, as with the case of leader of majority party in the parliament,  it will become harder and harder to find anything good on T.V or Radio.

It is for my respect to Alberto Einsteno, which is his name in Spanish, or Latin. You can’t be sure of these things. That I decide to return my Sony T.V set to Ainsuma Traders for full reimbursement. I know they might have issues with me having used it as a bookshelf for several years as well as other forms of mistreatment. I remember when I landed a heavy punch on Robin Van Persie after his betrayal to Arsenal and then scoring against us. Sparks flew and my knuckles bled profusely for some minutes. Van Persie was not reported injured though which is a shame. Anyway, I have this covered by possessing a court injunction issued by none other than Chief Justice Mutunga which I have printed from the internet. 

I will not display it here for legal and personal reasons, the first being that it is a matter of national security. If your interest in the said document overcomes the depth of your cranium and you simply cannot find any peace or worse, the sweet sleep in the early morning hours when you are supposed to get up and go to work. Consequentially you find yourself the first person in the office for several consecutive days. Do meet me at museum hill roundabout, right by the river bank on the left side exactly 20 meters from Waiyaki way. Have with you 200K Kenyan shillings for convenience too. Here you will dine and if time permits it wine with the document. While you indulge yourself in that earthly pleasure I will be examining the best vodka to relax my nerves at the Hilton as beautiful, voluptuous African daughters with sharp pointed breasts flank me slowly caressing my short goatee and whispering sweet nothings to my sorry ears.

You may keep the copy you are viewing and maybe use it to wrap some bones for your dog after some Nyam Chom later at choma zone. After all I have more where it came from. You see his Excellency the chief justice is a close and personal friend. Not necessarily in that order. I have also kept a copy in my hard disk and bookmarked the site I customised it from. You don’t need to know this though. You may forget it at your own convenience or if it persists see a psychiatrist. I could help you find one but I posses a mortal fear for anyone who spent several years in a medical school. Several of them have been known to test the power of gravity by attempting to fly without any aid from the top of skyscrapers, or the windows of their hostels. Needless to say, the ground always meets them faster than they thought it will and the results are so devastating that it would take another whole day to describe them. Ironically, they make for very good T.V. I cannot sum them up so fill yourself in.
What were we talking about? Aden Duale and his abnormally large and stuffy cranium? No? Okay.
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