Jerome K Jerome….ah, he was an Englishman and apparently ranks higher than Shakespeare and slightly lower than Charles Dickens. This is according to a poll done by my idle mind in my idle wanderings. I put many serious options in to perspective and I can also name a few.
Something which synovate should always come up with whenever they cook up those poll results. E.g. I hate Shakespeare, something ignited by my high school English teacher some few years back. See, we were having ‘Merchant of Venice’ as our study book. An awfully bad choice. It has this language which slightly resembles English and we were expected to know what thou, thur, hout etc meant at the time when I was supposed to read Wahome Mutahi or Dave Barry or idling in Computer lab pretending to dissect MS DOS. One day I gathered all the guts I had and all the slight courage my ancestors saw fit for me and made me a coward. Well I gathered all those and rose my hand up during the solemn readings of Shakespeare. ‘Excuse me madam, why the hell are you making us study this thing which has no application whatsoever in our day to day conversations. For your information, most of these people pretending to be busy here speak their mother tongues and if you can’t understand them sheng is the next and the last option. Very few speak the ‘normal’ English leave alone this fake one you are trying to pump in to our brains. I have also heard some VIP’S speak especially the one’s who reside in parliament buildings poking their noses. I can speak way much better than them, and they can’t speak this thing on these texts. Madam, you are fighting a lost cause, it’s my advice that you just supply us with newspapers every day and we will be good to go”
All this time she was staring at me with these flaming eyes dying to burn holes through my forehead and produce wisps of smoke at the back. Was I edible I would have wriggling in her small intestines. “I rest my case madam”. Her highly visible moustache seemed to grow a little longer and shape into walrus. The eyes became bloodshot as if she had just had 10 puffs of highly strong weed accompanied by a cup of coffee mixed with weed seedlings. ‘Out Erykk, OUT!!!!!! And meet me in the principal’s office. I did not think that my words were so incriminating to warrant school principals attention. Needless to say, it developed in to a raw which later saw me kicked out of the school after missing numerous English lessons. Before the saga I had some negligible hate for Shakespeare, the aftermath left me with loads of hate for him. If we ever meat after I cross the pearl gates, I will kick him hard in the ass and feel no remorse whatsoever.
Charles Dickens is good, simply good. My mum bought me Oliver twist when I was a year into my teenage era and I am still hooked to the writings of that guy. Nuff sed. Jerome K Jerome? I just recently discovered him in my pirate wanderings on Google when I was trying to lay my hands on Dave Barry in Cyberspace. I found his books grouped together with Barry’s at a certain site which will soon go down like its brothers in crime BTJunkie and Megaupload. Sad. The U.S government is doing people who have always endeavored to get free stuff from the internet like yours truly a great injustice. Damn it! And I thought Obama was tech savvy?
Back to Jerome. Aparently, the guy loved being idle. One of my greatest attributes. He also loved work just like me, in the following perspective. I can fall in love with work by simply staring at it. Admiring it, praising it, showing it off, tweeting about and talking about it for hours without actually doing it. I don’t consider it laziness because in the long last I always have to do something about it. Sit on it, give it away, sometimes do it, something.
Jerome Klappa was a master of this. I am currently reading his books, greatly entertaining. Feel free to download them, they are under creative commons license. The bloke has been dead for long. Nobody will arrest you. This was just introduction of my idle thoughts more are coming. Meanwhile, Photoshop has an amazing ad which everybody with image issues. Too fat, too slim, big boobs, small boobs, unsightly legs, wrecked smile etc. All can be corrected in photoshop. If you want to look like a cover model just hit me up. Photoshop happens to be my playground. Just check out the ad……..